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We just moved. And so we’re searching for a new local church to attend, enjoy, give.

As a side note, a cross-state move produces the most pleasant circumstances under which to search for a new church: you must give no reasons for leaving your old church besides “We moved” and you must give no reasons for why you’re looking for a new church besides “We moved.” Cross-town church exchanges are so much more complicated than that. I’ve never done it, actually, but my parents did a couple of years ago and it was really hard.

Anyway, before we even started looking, my husband and I had a couple of conversations (in our many drives cross-state) about what it is for which we are principally searching. We talked not only about what we wanted, but also what we thought was good for us and the characteristics to which God might be calling us in a church community. We limited our list to 3-5 things because we know the “perfect” church is a phantom and that we’ll find our new home church still wanting in several ways. But we made 3-5 things non-negotiable. (I hope you see our intentional openness for the Holy Spirit in our “3-5 non-negotiables.” Are all 5 not negotiable? Or just 3?) Here they are in order of most to least importance.

1. Conviction-level doctrines. (those doctrines that make Christianity Christianity: i.e. that Jesus was God incarnate, that Christianity is a free gift of God by grace through faith, that the hearts of people cannot work properly without God, etc.) All persuasion-level and opinion-level doctrines are negotiable – not that we don’t have persuasions or opinions about these doctrines, just that we can share a church community with people who are persuaded or opinionated differently than us.

2. Character of the leaders. Are they the kind of people who we could get behind and follow? Are they the kind of people who could get behind us and support our ministry in the church and/or community? Is there evidence of the humility of the Gospel at work in their lives and hearts? Are they growing toward Jesus and doing their best to bring alongĀ  (We’ve been to churches enough to know that you’re going to find weirdos, legalistic Pharisees, snobs, people who seem to have a hidden stockpile of boring stories, pretty people, ugly people, people who are too Bible-centered or too doctrine-centered or too worship-centered, people who are perfectly Christ-centered and likeable and always awesome at every church. We know this because at one time or another, we have been – and still on some Sundays we still are – those people! So we’re giving up trying to find a church with only awesome people that we instantly like and who never annoy us. Instead, we’re taking a closer look at the leaders of the church and asking ourselves only the most important questions about those leaders.) You might have your own batch of most important questions, just make sure they don’t include “Is the pastor bald?” One of the best men with the strongest character I ever met is bald. Plus, most pastors are bald, so you’ll have very few churches to choose from.

3. Peers. We’ve just got to have at least a few friends who are approximately our age and in the same season (little kid invasion). We just might not survive life in the trenches without them; and we want to be able to invite people we meet to church and for them to feel like this Christianity stuff just might be relevant for their/our generation.

4.Worship: something in which my husband could joyfully participate without leading entirely. My husband has music in his veins. He is not only very talented, but he absolutely comes alive when musical worship is done with a spiritual and musical quality that leads peoples’ hearts in true focus on God. He is also working long hours at his job right now, building a web development and consulting business from scratch and he can’t commit to lead worship at church every Sunday. We’d both love it if he could handsomely contribute without not-so-handsomely over-committing himself.

5. Pretty. I figure that on those Sundays when the worship is a little dry or I’m just not tracking with the pastor’s sermon, at least I’d like to be in a beautiful place where I can pray, meditate, let my mind wander and simultaneously enjoy the scenery. (Note: the more sleep-deprived you are, the more often these Sundays come. Don’t judge me.)

I think that’s it. Is anyone else searching for a new church? What are you looking for?

Jason & I watched this little video recently of Tim Keller, John Piper, & Don Carson and there was so much good in it that I had to share it with you. Even if you wouldn’t call yourself a Christian or religious, I think you’d like this.


 

 

 

 

Sustaining the Covenant of Marital Love

My favorite things from the video (Watch it before you read my thoughts because they say it so much better than I do!):

  • “In your many years of marriage, have you ever considered divorce?” “Divorce? Never! Murder? Often!”
  • I found the concept that my husband will be married to at least 5 different versions of me over the course of our marriage to be so true! For better and for worse, I change. During my first year of motherhood, I was a very different person than the girl he married. I was very emotionally unsteady. I was physically exhausted. I felt spiritually abandoned and angry. I’m so glad he based our marriage at that time on his promise and not on his feelings!

What did you think?

 

 

I think an awful lot about parenting. Maybe because right now it’s my job. One thing that’s true is that we have very few rules at our house. I do my best to parent less out of rules and at least mostly out of principles. I guess I feel like it’s more true to how life works, and it goes beyond the surface, the behavioral-management level, and gets to the heart of things.

One parenting principle I’ve been passionate about lately comes from The Byrds, a Pete Seeger song: “Turn! Turn! Turn!” I’m sure you’ve heard it. The words come straight from Ecclesiastes in the Bible, but anyway, it goes:

 

 

 

 

 

 

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

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For Christ’s Sake

September 5, 2011 — 1 Comment

Recently I ran across the following statement of Jesus:

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39)

The words “my sake” stuck out to me as if I’d never read them before. When I look back on the past year, it has felt at times consumed by cleaning up messes for my kids’ sake, doing laundry for my family’s sake, and mentoring others for their personal growth’s sake. Then when I haven’t exactly gotten the appreciation or acknowledgement that has felt due to me, I’ve easily become self-pitying, angry, resentful, bitter.

Jesus words here are simple, yet profound. “Give up your life for my sake.” That is when it dawned on me: Giving up my life repeatedly for anyone else’s sake is discouragingly unfulfilling! It literally sucks the life out of me. I watch my life trickle away into the abyss of peanut butter sandwiches and another empty container of disinfectant wipes. I lose my life. And I get angry and self-centered about it. The thoughtful and kind person I thought I once was has disappeared, only to have been replaced by an uptight woman with frequent emotional breakdowns. They often don’t notice my behind-the-scenes deep cleaning efforts. They sometimes don’t see the value of clean clothes enough to care. They are still too young to comprehend the selfless inconvenience it is to me to make yet another mess just for the fun of playing with paints. They don’t know how much anguish in prayer and labor of heart it takes to counsel them.

But He notices. He knows the value. He comprehends fully. He knows. And when I embrace this reality in my mind and heart, when I give up my life for His sake, I’m happy to serve. I’m glad to give. I don’t mind when others don’t notice.

When I give up my life for His sake, I get my life back. Just like He said I would.